Open up to man up
Words Luke Williamson
Crowding into a small church hall in Kaiwaka on a rainy Wednesday evening are 40 men who have taken the challenge of attending the Man Up Tu Tangata course being run by Tawhiri Littlejohn.
Tawhiri decided to introduce the program to the Kaiwaka community last year and was amazed at how many men showed up. “One of my workers was a full-on gangster, in jail for 14 years, and I asked him what had turned his life around. He said it was the Man Up program,” says Tawhiri. “We have everyone from men on the bracelet, men struggling with drugs, business owners, farmers, sports coaches – a whole range. The program has been so effective that we've just carried on doing it.”
Tawhiri’s desire to help men and improve his community is informed by his own experiences of hardship. “I've come from the dysfunction of drugs and violence, and when I see people stuck where I was, there's more passion to help them and show them a better way.”
During the 10-week program, there is group discussion around addiction, jealousy, heartbreak, violence and many other topics. The group is a safe space to open up about experiences and emotions with others who may have gone through something similar.
“You build a close friendship with people outside of your normal sphere of influence, which is great,” says Tawhiri. “It's really nice that men are feeling comfortable and empowered enough to come along and do that. We celebrate the men that just walk through the doors to be honest.”
Josh was one of those prepared to man up for the first cycle last year. “I’d headed off in the wrong direction in my life when I was younger. I knew I needed to change so I started coming to church with a friend of mine and that’s where I met Tawhiri. He introduced me to Man Up and I’m now on my third rotation, still learning, still helping, still absorbing. This has restored my integrity and I’m learning how to be honest again – with myself and other people. If you want to be a better father, son, uncle, role model, or whatever, this is a great place to start.”
Fresh out of rehab and a recent arrival in Kaiwaka, it's Jesse’s first experience with Man Up. “I was going through a break-up and I was away from my children – I was going through a lot of things. I heard some of the testimonies the bros were sharing and I related to them. Being connected here with the church and the Man Up crew is providing an awesome community vibe. It’s ‘open up’ instead of ‘harden up’, so if you really want that healing, come to an environment like this.”
Giving so much to a community and men in need can take a toll, but Tawhiri insists, “Your greatest value is to take care of others. So, for me, it's love for people, families and community. There's no fulfilment in just trying to live a better life for yourself. You get fulfilment from making someone else's life better and that enhances your own life.”
When the work is done and men have helped each other repair some of the trauma in their lives, Tawhiri hopes to see them return to being fully involved in their communities. And, he says, “Be a man in your home, one who takes care of his family, not out of fear, but out of love and encouragement.”